Here are some of the responses:

“Our policy on obits is simple, liberal and, some would say, old-fashioned,” said Tim Waltner, publisher of the Freeman Courier, a small weekly in a rural area in southeastern South Dakota. “It works in our community. We are comfortable with it and have no plans to change at this time.”

The Courier’s policy:

• We run obituaries when they are submitted or requested by the family and with ties to the community.
• If they come from funeral homes, we confirm the family wanted it.
• We run them no charge, up to 500 words, as submitted, including "going home to Jesus,” “is now a part of the cosmic sphere” or any kind of religious language they want.
• We include cause of death (cancer, AIDS) listed and survivors (husbands, wives, “special friends,” partners) as submitted. If cause of death is not submitted, we don't run it.
• We include photos at no charge, provided the quality meets our standards.
• Cards of thanks, poems, tributes and more than 500 words are billed at our classified rate.
• We edit for grammar, punctuation and style — and, if the family doesn't want to pay for additional words, length.

Waltner said he doesn’t believe in feature obituaries, as it’s unfair to single out one “special” person and because the Courier doesn’t have space for them.

David Cox, managing editor of Areawide Media in Salem, Ark., said his three weeklies have a different set of rules for different pages of the paper.

“Just like we don't worry (too much) about style rules in letters to the editor and columns, we bend the rules quite a bit for family news — marriages, anniversaries, births and especially obits,” Cox said. “We sometimes start wedding announcements, ‘The parents of Jim Johnson and Sue Snodgrass have announced the engagement…’ So maybe you could get around the ‘gone to meet her maker’ by putting, ‘The children of Agnes Anderson have announced she has gone to meet her Maker.’”

“We haven't faced that exact request, but we have used euphemisms such as ‘passed away’ or ‘departed this life’ at the request of families. I don't think anyone would accuse a community newspaper of compromising journalistic integrity for trying to accommodate — within reason — the wishes of our readers. And even if they do, it's important to remember we serve those people in the community, not other journalists.”

Cox said larger newspapers are committing greater resources to writing obituaries in recognition of the high readership of the obit page.

“I think we cut ourselves off at the knees by making it more difficult for our readers, especially by charging for obits,” he said. “But I don't think there's anything wrong with setting a reasonable word limit and charging for extra verbiage, or with charging to run those horrendous tribute poems.”

Donna Remer, executive editor of Voice Newspapers in New Baltimore, Mich., said the five weeklies owned by the 21st Century Newspaper Group still run obits at no charge to the family.

“I’m wondering how long this will last, but so far we've been able to fly under the radar of the bean counters,” Remer said. “When asked, I defend the free obit policy on the premise that obituaries are, in fact, news and we don’t charge to publish news.

“The decision boils down to: Who controls the content? You, as editor, or someone else? For example, we routinely run at no charge announcements for community events. But, if the parks and rec department wants specific wording about an upcoming event and they aren't willing to take their chances on which week it will run, they can reserve space, pay for it, and word the announcement just the way they want to…in an ad. Obituaries are much the same. Readers who don't like our format can choose their own style, and pay for it.”

Remer said one of the most heartbreaking experiences she encountered as an editor dealt with an obituary. The typesetter came to her because the obit for a stillborn baby said the child was “born into the arms of Jesus.”

“I confirmed her suggestion that we rewrite it in our usual obituary style,” Remer said. “When the obit hit the paper, the grieving mother called me in tears. I tried to tell her that it was ‘newspaper policy’ and we treat all obituaries in a consistent manner. I tried to point out that we offer the service at no charge, but didn't have the heart to say she could take out an ad. It was apparent she didn't have the means to do that, or the inclination.

“I tried to tell her about journalistic style, but the words rang hollow. All she knew was that she read in our paper, for the first time, the cold words that her baby died. Her precious baby was not ‘born into the arms of …” The newspaper said the child was dead. And we told the whole community.

“If I had it to do over, I likely would still do the same thing as far as the wording. But I have learned that you can't reason with a grieving person. Now, I would just repeat to her, as often as needed, how sorry I was for her loss and for any further grief our newspaper had caused for her. If we had used her words, it might have delayed the realization of what happened but eventually, one way or another, she would have to acknowledge the loss.

“That's why we have journalistic style. That's why we have policies, good ones that is. So that people are treated fairly and in an even-handed manner even when emotion clouds the situation. I am in favor of a newspaper developing a standard format for free obits, one that suits the local community, and then following that format as closely as possible.”

Joel Hack, publisher of the Bodega Bay (Calif.) Navigator, suggests turning the obituary style into a news account of the passing with personal memories (in quotes) of the faith expressed by the survivors.

“Instead of forcing someone to fit the journalistic fact reporting, change the voice and make the obits quotes of the survivors,” Hack said. “The quotes might also bring an immediacy to the canned type of obit too often relied upon. In my experience, those personal remembrances offer the most vivid obits. I base that on comments made by survivors and others who have read that type of obit.”

Richard McCord, former editor and co-publisher of The Santa Fe (N.M.) Reporter, said many things that newspapers cover are sad, including arrests and criminal charges. He suggests that a paper needs to set a policy, mixing elements of professionalism and compassion in the best blend that the paper can determine for its own community, and then stick to the policy when under pressure.

“As a corollary, I have many times told aggrieved people that the distress they are feeling at the moment (after reading a direct account in the paper) will pass, and will pass much sooner than they expect,” McCord said. “They often don't believe it at the time, but soon enough they find it to be true. And sometimes they will even tell you so, later on.”

Diane Collins, editor and publisher of the Seneca (Mo.) News-Dispatch, said if a family wants additional information in the obit, such as listing the names of the grandchildren or any type of eulogizing of the deceased, the paper charges a small fee ranging from $5 to $20 depending on the length of the additional wording.

“Our families seem to be happy with this arrangement,” Collins said. “They have the option of a free obit or they can add wording they prefer for a small fee. We publish our obit policy nearly every week. We have not had any complaints from any families with this arrangement. We submitted a list of the standard info that we will accept in a free obit to all the area funeral homes and included a letter to tell the funeral homes that there would be a charge for any additional information.”