Managing conflict in a positive manner - precious commodity
Dr. Philip Wise

Head, Music Department

With the unprecedented changes occurring in colleges, students and educators have more than their fair share of conflict. Working with professors, peers, students and colleagues often produces a relational tug-of-war.

Managing conflict in a positive manner is a precious commodity, but learning how to preclude conflict is an absolute necessity. The educational kettle contains myriads of people with various backgrounds, perspectives and interests. Turn up the heat and stir the kettle, and a college campus can become a relational jungle.

The only way to keep conflict from ever occurring is to control all of the people and events in your life - an obvious impossibility! You cannot regulate the responses of others and entirely eliminate conflict, but you can implement some personal attitudes and behaviors that help reduce the frequency.

Confront tension early. Go with your intuition. If you sense tension developing, it is not a figment of your imagination. This is the best time to simply say, "I think we need some clarification," and confront the issue at hand. Confrontation may be difficult for those whose personality favors avoidance, and although playing ostrich allows you to bury your head, it also exposes other vulnerable body parts.

Attack problems - not people. Everyone works best together when obstacles are approached as issues to be solved, rather than enemies to be defeated. When opinions are attacked and characters maligned, personal resentments act as a major obstacle to reaching solutions. By attacking issues instead of people, threats are reduced and destructive conflict can be precluded.

Do what you expect of others. If you expect others to be kind, considerate, honest, open and true to their word, then you must do likewise. Have you noticed that we rarely hold ourselves accountable to the same standard we demand of others? Living by the Golden Rule will go a long way in precluding conflict. Character is based more on what we do than what we say.

Communication begins with listening, not talking. Once others feel understood, they will be more open to your ideas. Listening is an art form, and involves hearing both the content and feelings of the speaker. Because good listening skills are usually not taught or modeled, it will take practice and effort.

Build the trust factor. When trust is high, conflict is low. Relationships exhibiting high trust last longer, accomplish more, and are personally satisfying. It is often the seemingly small things that build trust, such as keeping your word, remembering to introduce a guest, and acknowledging the contributions of others.

There will always be antagonists. It doesn't matter where you are or what you do, dragons will appear. Their names and faces change, but the destruction they can cause remains the same. You cannot slay dragons, but you can tame them.

Portions of Dr. Wise's writing were previously published in Learning magazine.